In my short 21 years of life I believe it is safe to say that I have found myself amidst some of the larger crisis that one could face, considering my having grown up in suburbia. I do not spend long nights wondering what life would have been like "if..." I do not find myself pondering the possibilities that would have been afforded me if life had turned out differently. I do not shake my fist in anger at God for allowing me to have seen all that I have at my young age. For though I did not always understand why on earth many of the things in my life had to occur, God was steadfast in comforting me and revealing his power and sovereignty over all. This being said I have recently found myself in an odd predicament. I have found that after having been lead by the hand of God through some truly trying times I am finding it difficult to operate outside of crisis.
I have lived for so long in a world that operated in crisis mode. I was always waiting, just waiting for the next problem that would inevitably be so large it would swallow whatever it was we were currently dealing with. But God is good, he is SO good. He has, in so many different aspects of my life, turned the page and started a new chapter.
These new chapters are so very different than the ones I am use to. They are much more calm. That may seem strange considering my busy schedule, but the difference is that my days are filled with activities that I truly enjoy. Few are the obligations in my life and many are the joys. Why then have I found it so difficult to just be? Give me illegitimate children, give me robbery, give me health problems, give me addiction; these I can handle! But no, I now have to handle college algebra.
How self centered it that way of thinking? Like I handled anything? God in his infinite grace and mercy afforded me the strength and wisdom to make it through each trial I faced. I had nothing to do with anything. And now, he has given me a chance to move away from the intensity that comes with serious trial, into a time that, in all reality, is much more peaceful. He has given me a chance to stop and dwell on his goodness. One of the reasons I think it is so difficult for me to operate outside of crisis is the fact that it allows me to think. I have lots of time to think and process everything that is happening in my life. While that is exactly what I need, I think everyone can relate to the uncomfortable silence that comes with it. For it is in the stillness of our lives that we can see who we are, who we are not, and who we know we should be. This can be an alarming reality check. That is why I am floundering in the normalcy of my current place in life; I am fighting the silence, I am avoiding the stillness.
God give me the boldness to embrace this time in my life, to embrace you.
I have lived for so long in a world that operated in crisis mode. I was always waiting, just waiting for the next problem that would inevitably be so large it would swallow whatever it was we were currently dealing with. But God is good, he is SO good. He has, in so many different aspects of my life, turned the page and started a new chapter.
These new chapters are so very different than the ones I am use to. They are much more calm. That may seem strange considering my busy schedule, but the difference is that my days are filled with activities that I truly enjoy. Few are the obligations in my life and many are the joys. Why then have I found it so difficult to just be? Give me illegitimate children, give me robbery, give me health problems, give me addiction; these I can handle! But no, I now have to handle college algebra.
How self centered it that way of thinking? Like I handled anything? God in his infinite grace and mercy afforded me the strength and wisdom to make it through each trial I faced. I had nothing to do with anything. And now, he has given me a chance to move away from the intensity that comes with serious trial, into a time that, in all reality, is much more peaceful. He has given me a chance to stop and dwell on his goodness. One of the reasons I think it is so difficult for me to operate outside of crisis is the fact that it allows me to think. I have lots of time to think and process everything that is happening in my life. While that is exactly what I need, I think everyone can relate to the uncomfortable silence that comes with it. For it is in the stillness of our lives that we can see who we are, who we are not, and who we know we should be. This can be an alarming reality check. That is why I am floundering in the normalcy of my current place in life; I am fighting the silence, I am avoiding the stillness.
God give me the boldness to embrace this time in my life, to embrace you.
“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10
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