the crisis is not having one

In my short 21 years of life I believe it is safe to say that I have found myself amidst some of the larger crisis that one could face, considering my having grown up in suburbia. I do not spend long nights wondering what life would have been like "if..." I do not find myself pondering the possibilities that would have been afforded me if life had turned out differently. I do not shake my fist in anger at God for allowing me to have seen all that I have at my young age. For though I did not always understand why on earth many of the things in my life had to occur, God was steadfast in comforting me and revealing his power and sovereignty over all. This being said I have recently found myself in an odd predicament. I have found that after having been lead by the hand of God through some truly trying times I am finding it difficult to operate outside of crisis.

I have lived for so long in a world that operated in crisis mode. I was always waiting, just waiting for the next problem that would inevitably be so large it would swallow whatever it was we were currently dealing with. But God is good, he is SO good. He has, in so many different aspects of my life, turned the page and started a new chapter.

These new chapters are so very different than the ones I am use to. They are much more calm. That may seem strange considering my busy schedule, but the difference is that my days are filled with activities that I truly enjoy. Few are the obligations in my life and many are the joys. Why then have I found it so difficult to just be? Give me illegitimate children, give me robbery, give me health problems, give me addiction; these I can handle! But no, I now have to handle college algebra.

How self centered it that way of thinking? Like I handled anything? God in his infinite grace and mercy afforded me the strength and wisdom to make it through each trial I faced. I had nothing to do with anything. And now, he has given me a chance to move away from the intensity that comes with serious trial, into a time that, in all reality, is much more peaceful. He has given me a chance to stop and dwell on his goodness. One of the reasons I think it is so difficult for me to operate outside of crisis is the fact that it allows me to think. I have lots of time to think and process everything that is happening in my life. While that is exactly what I need, I think everyone can relate to the uncomfortable silence that comes with it. For it is in the stillness of our lives that we can see who we are, who we are not, and who we know we should be. This can be an alarming reality check. That is why I am floundering in the normalcy of my current place in life; I am fighting the silence, I am avoiding the stillness.

God give me the boldness to embrace this time in my life, to embrace you.

“Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 46:10

a plea to be sharpened

I have decided to enter the blogging world. I do not promise to be consistent, I do not promise to be intellectually intriguing, I do not promise to bring to mind life altering concepts of which you have never pondered. I do, however, promise to be honest.

The reason I have started a blog is so that I am forced to sit and digest all that God is doing in my heart and life. While it is of utmost importance to pray, read, and meditate; all of these things lose power when you are not effectively communicating their impressions on your life to others. Why is it important to communicate? 1) In communicating with others you sharpen your own understanding. 2) We are relational beings, good and effective relationships are built on solid communication. 3) Communicating what God is doing in your life is a great encouragement to those with whom you share. So why don't people communicate more often? One reason I have found to be true in my own life would be the fear of judgement. We (I) pride ourselves (myself) in our (my) ability to not care what people think about us (me). When the truth of the matter is, we don't care what people think about the parts of ourselves we are willing to show them, but if we were completely honest in who we are and where we are at with others we would be just as vulnerable as the next person. We fear the judgement of others, but why? Should we not seek it?

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Proverbs27:17

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
James5:16

How then can we sharpen one another if we are not open and honest with each other? We are healed when we confess our sins. We are not in this alone. God has given us each other for a reason. We have a responsibility to our brothers and sisters in Christ to push each other toward Christ and in that glorify His name. I hope and pray that the people in my life love and care for me enough to hold me accountable to who I am in Christ. Shame on the friend who pats me on the back and tells me I am doing well when it is evident that I have not been aligning myself with Christ. Shame on me for not holding my friends and loved ones accountable to who they are in Christ. We often find comfort in complacency and therefore avoid addressing the problems because that would lead to change. It seems as though with one hand we continue in sin while with the other we pat a friend on the back in "understand" to what they are struggling with. I fear that one day I might look up to find us all stand in one large circle patting each other on the back. When in all reality we need to violently shake one another until we see how far we have allowed ourselves to stray from Christ and his will for our lives. I don't know where you are at but I need to be shaken every now and then. I need to be held accountable.

That being said; I give you, the readers of this blog, permission to shake me. Yell at me. Confront me. Specifically, I need to be held accountable to memorizing scripture. There are indeed many other things of which I need to be held accountable, but I don't have time to write a book. Sharpen me please, so that I might sharpen you.